15 hours ago
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
thinking and other thoughts...
do you think about things when you're in the shower? for some reason it's the place where i do most of my deep thinking. i'm not sure why that is. today i thought about friends. people i haven't heard from in a while. people who never write or call unless the contact is initiated by me. people who are now nothing more to me than...well...people i know. or maybe more accurately, people i thought i knew.
3 years ago my sister passed away suddenly. friends called and wrote emails and stopped by to visit. they sent cards and flowers and baskets of fruit. they made lasagna. they brought coffee and pastry. they came to the wake...they spoke at the funeral. at the time i thought that these were the people who loved me...they had my back...they cared.
3 years have gone by and some of those people who i saw during that time in november, 2006 have not called once.
i know some people don't handle death well...they don't know what to do or say. they think that you need them to be something other than who they are...say something meaningful...say the right thing...save you. when in reality, there is no right way to be...no words that will change the situation...or even make it better. what they don't realize is that you just need for them to sit with you and talk and laugh and maybe for a moment allow you to be who you were before that week you sat by your sister's bedside in some run-down, dirty hospital watching her die. to remind you of what that life was like.
sometimes people do things just because it's the "proper" thing to do. because you were taught that when someone dies, you go to the wake...you pay your respects. when you receive an invitation to celebrate a wedding, a birthday...you go, because it would be rude to decline. but do your actions represent a feeling of responsibility? or a true desire to share in these life-events? i'll admit that sometimes i do things because i feel obligated. but i always feel better when i do them...even if my selfish inclination is not to.
how do you measure life? by the big moments? or is it the quiet times that matter more? i guess i always thought it was those really important events that showed you who your real friends were. the weddings...funerals...births...those big moments in life. but the more years that pass, the less i believe that is true...and that it's the little things, like an email saying "i heard this song and i thought of you"...or "how are your boys feeling?"...or "i missed you today" that make life and relationships truly meaningful. it's the times when harry hugs me and tells me i'm his best friend...or heath looks at me and smiles...it's the lazy days in bed, watching cartoons or reading a book together. it's family walks and falling leaves...it's baseball games and dance recitals and spelling bees. it's baking brownies and watching snow fall and picnics at the park. it's making up silly songs and singing off-key. it's playing dress-up and shopping for new lip gloss. it's conversation with friends...a compliment...a wilting dandelion and holding hands. it's care-packages and hand-me-downs. it's nightime and marshmallows...cabins in the woods and black bears. it's the sweetness of silence.
where am i going with all of this? i don't know. it's just stuff that i think about a lot.
3 years ago my sister passed away suddenly. friends called and wrote emails and stopped by to visit. they sent cards and flowers and baskets of fruit. they made lasagna. they brought coffee and pastry. they came to the wake...they spoke at the funeral. at the time i thought that these were the people who loved me...they had my back...they cared.
3 years have gone by and some of those people who i saw during that time in november, 2006 have not called once.
i know some people don't handle death well...they don't know what to do or say. they think that you need them to be something other than who they are...say something meaningful...say the right thing...save you. when in reality, there is no right way to be...no words that will change the situation...or even make it better. what they don't realize is that you just need for them to sit with you and talk and laugh and maybe for a moment allow you to be who you were before that week you sat by your sister's bedside in some run-down, dirty hospital watching her die. to remind you of what that life was like.
sometimes people do things just because it's the "proper" thing to do. because you were taught that when someone dies, you go to the wake...you pay your respects. when you receive an invitation to celebrate a wedding, a birthday...you go, because it would be rude to decline. but do your actions represent a feeling of responsibility? or a true desire to share in these life-events? i'll admit that sometimes i do things because i feel obligated. but i always feel better when i do them...even if my selfish inclination is not to.
how do you measure life? by the big moments? or is it the quiet times that matter more? i guess i always thought it was those really important events that showed you who your real friends were. the weddings...funerals...births...those big moments in life. but the more years that pass, the less i believe that is true...and that it's the little things, like an email saying "i heard this song and i thought of you"...or "how are your boys feeling?"...or "i missed you today" that make life and relationships truly meaningful. it's the times when harry hugs me and tells me i'm his best friend...or heath looks at me and smiles...it's the lazy days in bed, watching cartoons or reading a book together. it's family walks and falling leaves...it's baseball games and dance recitals and spelling bees. it's baking brownies and watching snow fall and picnics at the park. it's making up silly songs and singing off-key. it's playing dress-up and shopping for new lip gloss. it's conversation with friends...a compliment...a wilting dandelion and holding hands. it's care-packages and hand-me-downs. it's nightime and marshmallows...cabins in the woods and black bears. it's the sweetness of silence.
where am i going with all of this? i don't know. it's just stuff that i think about a lot.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
my son, my love...
I just came across this, buried in my "draft" folder! Little did I know then that I would soon have TWO sons to brighten my world...
*************************
January, 2008
My dearest Harrison,
I've been meaning to start this journal for a while now...but you have kept me pretty busy these past 2 years! I know...that's no excuse...
Anyway, here I am now, writing to you. One day these pages - these thoughts and feelings will be yours...and you will have written proof of my complete and utter love and adoration of you.
YOU are my greatest love. My proudest achievement. My reason for being here on this earth. I love you more than words could ever say...
more than the sky...
more than the universe...
forever
and
a
day.
January 2, 2008
It is around 8pm on Wednesday night - you are lying in bed next to me snuggling under the blankets. You are smiling that beautiful, amazing smile that lights up your face and makes you look as if you are glowing. Now you are hugging me and telling me you love me.
Jan. 6, Sunday
Tonight you came over to me - I was sitting on the couch and you were playing with your dinos on the floor...you hugged me and said "hi mama...nice mama...beautiful...look beautiful in that shirt."
I'm wearing a ratty old grey t-shirt! You are the sweetest child that ever lived!
Daddy just tried to put you to bed but you said "not sleepy yet daddy...not sleepy...stay up."
You are a night owl! You would stay up until midnight every night if you could!
You love animals - especially ring tail lemurs! Your favorite tv show is called "Zoboomafoo". You are always "taking care" of your stuffed animals and you like to walk around the house wearing binoculars around your neck searching for animals in trouble! You also love to "STREAK MAMA!"...tonight you ran around wearing only a bandanna and nothing else yelling "STREAK MAMA! STREAK MAMA!" - it was so funny and cute.
YOU are a very, very naturally funny child. You keep us all laughing all the time.
You love to color, paint, draw, do arts and crafts, put puzzles together, read books, play matching games, play the harmonica - or any other instrument...you love music. You love to play with your animals - and you're pretty obsessed with dinosaurs right now! You love to say "wait! saw something!"...
June 27, 2008
Harry,
YOU are an amazing child. A genius. Brilliant. Beyond.
Am I biased? Without doubt.
You were sitting at the coffee table playing with your play-dough, making stuff. Nana was here. You told us that you were "concentrating"! You're THREE! I don't know any other 3 year olds that use the word "concentrating"! Most of your friends can barely even talk! But you? You never stop. I guess maybe (maybe!) you take after me because I talk a lot too. And we're both clumsy...always falling down and tripping over stuff! Lately you've been super affectionate - hugging us all the time and giving us "nuzzle-buzzles"!!! You are just the greatest, most lovable child on earth.
Today you painted an awesome picture of a "boy" that we framed and hung on the wall in the dining room. It looks so cute.
You're currently obsessed with: fruit snacks and pasta (with sauce) and the old spider man theme song!
July 16, 2008
YOU are THREE today!!!
You were born on July 16, 2005 at 2:09am...I went to the hospital around 2pm on Friday and started pushing at around 12am...you took 2 hours to arrive!!! What a slow-poke!!! Anyway, there you were...3.5 weeks early and sooooo tiny! 6lbs 8oz of pure perfection!!!! xoxoxo I love you so much my little baby dolly.
*************************
January, 2008
My dearest Harrison,
I've been meaning to start this journal for a while now...but you have kept me pretty busy these past 2 years! I know...that's no excuse...
Anyway, here I am now, writing to you. One day these pages - these thoughts and feelings will be yours...and you will have written proof of my complete and utter love and adoration of you.
YOU are my greatest love. My proudest achievement. My reason for being here on this earth. I love you more than words could ever say...
more than the sky...
more than the universe...
forever
and
a
day.
January 2, 2008
It is around 8pm on Wednesday night - you are lying in bed next to me snuggling under the blankets. You are smiling that beautiful, amazing smile that lights up your face and makes you look as if you are glowing. Now you are hugging me and telling me you love me.
Jan. 6, Sunday
Tonight you came over to me - I was sitting on the couch and you were playing with your dinos on the floor...you hugged me and said "hi mama...nice mama...beautiful...look beautiful in that shirt."
I'm wearing a ratty old grey t-shirt! You are the sweetest child that ever lived!
Daddy just tried to put you to bed but you said "not sleepy yet daddy...not sleepy...stay up."
You are a night owl! You would stay up until midnight every night if you could!
You love animals - especially ring tail lemurs! Your favorite tv show is called "Zoboomafoo". You are always "taking care" of your stuffed animals and you like to walk around the house wearing binoculars around your neck searching for animals in trouble! You also love to "STREAK MAMA!"...tonight you ran around wearing only a bandanna and nothing else yelling "STREAK MAMA! STREAK MAMA!" - it was so funny and cute.
YOU are a very, very naturally funny child. You keep us all laughing all the time.
You love to color, paint, draw, do arts and crafts, put puzzles together, read books, play matching games, play the harmonica - or any other instrument...you love music. You love to play with your animals - and you're pretty obsessed with dinosaurs right now! You love to say "wait! saw something!"...
June 27, 2008
Harry,
YOU are an amazing child. A genius. Brilliant. Beyond.
Am I biased? Without doubt.
You were sitting at the coffee table playing with your play-dough, making stuff. Nana was here. You told us that you were "concentrating"! You're THREE! I don't know any other 3 year olds that use the word "concentrating"! Most of your friends can barely even talk! But you? You never stop. I guess maybe (maybe!) you take after me because I talk a lot too. And we're both clumsy...always falling down and tripping over stuff! Lately you've been super affectionate - hugging us all the time and giving us "nuzzle-buzzles"!!! You are just the greatest, most lovable child on earth.
Today you painted an awesome picture of a "boy" that we framed and hung on the wall in the dining room. It looks so cute.
You're currently obsessed with: fruit snacks and pasta (with sauce) and the old spider man theme song!
July 16, 2008
YOU are THREE today!!!
You were born on July 16, 2005 at 2:09am...I went to the hospital around 2pm on Friday and started pushing at around 12am...you took 2 hours to arrive!!! What a slow-poke!!! Anyway, there you were...3.5 weeks early and sooooo tiny! 6lbs 8oz of pure perfection!!!! xoxoxo I love you so much my little baby dolly.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
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